BUTLER: Excuse me sir, but the raiding party is yet to return with your breakfast.

Brg. Jazzyjays men pass the time waiting to ambush his breakfast by making shitty kippers jokes.

Brg. Jazzyjay puffs on his pipe defiantly and stuffs another mattress into it.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Well. This is a problem, isn't it, Penny.

BUTLER: Yes sir.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Because if I don't get my kipper, there'll be hell to pay.

BUTLER: Beatings all around, I imagine sir.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Perhaps even a thrashing.

BUTLER: The situation does warrent one.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Well, you best get started then.

BUTLER: Yes sir. Ahem. You've been a very naughty officer.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Ooh yes, thats it.

A might roar as a flight of Spitfires races overhead.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: He won't sell many ice creams going at that speed.

SUDDENLY -- CRASH! Dr_Robbie_P falls through the ceiling and swings, suspended by his parachute.

Dr_Robbie_P demonstrates his Circus Oz act to Jazzyjay, who indicates his displeasure by standing on a table in a manly posture.

DR_ROBBIE_P: Hope you don't mind me dropping in for breakfast! F'nar f'nar!

Brg. Jazzyjay shoots him with a revolver.

JAZZYJAY: What an odd looking goose. Get him to the chef, would you Penny?

BUTLER: At once sir.

SUDDENLY -- CRASH! Major The Christian bursts through the door!

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: GAH! Treachery! The Calcutta Light Horse has mutinied! Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it infamy!

BRG JAZZYJAY: Would you like a mattress?

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: No, I'm trying to cut down.

He stuffs a pillow into his pipe and lights it.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: Ahh! Downy!

SUDDENLY -- CRASH! Dr_Nic falls through the glass ceiling.

DR_NIC: (dusting himself off) Good day gentlemen. I was in London when I heard we were having kippers for breakfast, so naturally I caught the first cannon shell in this direction.

Dr_Nic prepares to catch the 9:32 to Jazzyjay Manor.

BRG JAZZYJAY: No. I'm afraid... there's no kippers.

The Blue Gecko boys attempt to remain stoic in the face of an strenuous absence of breakfast.

DR_NIC: Well, if you'd excuse me gentlemen, I must be off.

He flags down a passing mortar shell and jumps in.

DR_NIC: Mrs Miggins Eel Shop please.

MORTAR SHELL: That'll be two'n'six, cobber.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: GAH! You're one of them!

MEANWHILE - In Canada, Hawk_eye was running in slow motion through the forest.

Hawk_eye pauses on the way to the hairdresser, pissed off that he has to change his haircut now everyone's got one, to think a shitty kippers joke.

BACK IN JAZZYJAY MANOR -

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: And that's how I defeated the Devil in draughts and saved both Jennifer Biel's pert bosums and Christmas.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: That, I can say without exaggeration that was the best story I have heard. I would have hated to come in at the end and missed the brilliant bits in the middle.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: Oh that's nothing. It reminds me of the time I swinged on a star. Bloody hot, it was.

Jazzyjay and The Christian discuss old times while playing their GameBoy Advances head-to-head.

SUDDENLY -- CRASH! Dr_Nic comes smashing through the window.

DR_NIC: (dusting himself off) Good day gentlemen, I'll have tuppence worth of your finest pornogr- wait! This isn't Picadilly Circus!

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: You must have caught a dud.

SUDDENLY -- CRASH! Dr_Robbie_P burst into the room. He is covered in a honey glaze and has two pounds of stuffing up his arse.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: The Goose! I thought I killed you!

DR_ROBBIE_P: No, you only winged me.

A US Army Sergeant gives his country's position on the previous joke. NOT SHOWN: Ancestral voices prophesying war.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: Look here, Brigadier, this goose is in the uniform of His Magesty's Royal Air Force.

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Really? I thought he was a German from his goose-step.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: ...Indeed. But my point is we just can't go around eating members of the RAF.

DR_ROBBIE_P: SHADDUP! Oh, wait, no that's okay, go on.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: Thank you. Now, listen... this is what we're going to do...

Milly-Molly-Mandy and Anne of Green Gables simultaniously are foiled in their eavesdropping antics and confirm what we suspected all along.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: ... has everybody got that?

BRG. JAZZYJAY: Yes. You said that I'm rapidly running out of ideas so we'd better end this quick.

MAJOR THE CHRISTIAN: Perf-

ANNOUNCER: That was a Radio Jazzyjay production. All LJ user's voices were impersonated by the legendary Max Bygraves, sound effects by Cottees Cordial and Penny the Butler was played by a flock of giraffes. Tune in next week where Jazzyjay will attempt to make a joke about cartesian co-ordinates and his various chums will take turns testing to see if he is a witch.

Witchfinder Purvis sneaks a quick peak down Jazzyjay's bodice.